God It's Far and Damn It's Late

Yesterday, for the first time ever, I went to the US Open. While the tennis center has always been a relatively short trek away for me (if you draw a straight line from my house to Willet's Point on the MTA map, it's only about 6 inches [ that's what she said! ] ), I was never passionate enough about tennis to go. Finally, eager to see firsthand the sponsorship activation by LU/Nabisco (which seemed non-existant except for a food stand) and baited with half price tickets, I, along with an unwavering rag tag band of committed tennis enthusiasts and aficionados (except Coen and Lainas), made the journey to the promised land of tennis.

Here are some pictures of the adventure:


Sun was strong when we got there.



View from our seats, Row Y.



The O'Jay's performing Love Train.



Country flags.



Agassi giving a speech with Doug Flutie, David Robinson, and Mia Hamm in the background.



Rob Thomas!



Flag Presentation



Venus William's match aka 3 hour marathon.



Andy Roddick


Either way, after spending 5 hours to watch 1 full game (or is it match?) of Venus Williams tennis and a couple of sets (or rounds?) of Andy Roddick, I learned many new things about tennis. Such as not shutting up while play is in progress. Or how sweaty Andy Roddick gets in 50 degree weather. More importantly, the better part of the 5 hours was spent making notes on how this experience could be enhanced for a tennis dunce like me. I've outlined some of the recommendations below:


1. Create separate cheering sections for hardcore fans, akin to baseball's Sizemore Ladies or Bleacher Creatures. That way, groups such as the Venus Stalkers and Roddick Rabids can cheer together. Mind you, these fans are dedicated and intense, as they're cheering for their favorites in the most feverish manner, without the aid of alcohol over-consumption (I know for sure no one is getting floored on $9.50 Heineken's). The main benefit, other than amplifying fan enthusiasm and intensity, is simply keeping the crazies away from us common folk so we don't have to hear "Go Venus!" and "We love you Andy!" all night long, with their terrible timing and blood curling screams.


2. Unless it's football, soccer, or a similar outdoor sport, anything played in NY not during the middle of summer needs a dome environment. Either that or a retractable roof. Sitting there for 5 hours last night reminded me of the pleasures of watching baseball in 30 degree weather. The participants themselves might be okay, but for spectators and umpires, it's brutal. Please take my tax dollars and build a roof. Or add some heaters for the spectators up in row ZZ. Or just give us one of those nice track jackets.


3. Please create a tennis for idiots guide for people like me. That way, I can avoid confusing people with the misuse of common tennis vocabulary and terms such as points, matches, games, and sets. Also, it would prevent me from making up rules on tennis and pretending to know what the hell is going on. Thanks.


4. You might want to move your evening prime-time matches to an earlier timeslot. That way, by the time the first 3 hour marathon match is over, you won't have so many empty seats. Having the stadium look emptier than the Yankee stadium legend section is NOT a good thing.


5. Can you find umpires that can speak English clearly? They have accents worse than my parents...


6. Lastly, PLEASE give me a heads up about launching fireworks 50 feet away from me. I almost died. And crapped my pants. Good thing it was cold and no one noticed the smell. Just kidding. Kind of.